Parenting and Pedagogy

“Oh, no! Did we miss your appointment?” The frantic question I pose for my daughter as she sits at the kitchen table with her math tutor. After a long day of managing one-hundred and sixty 7th graders, answering…maybe, 1 million questions? I don’t know; I lost count…and dealing with administrative requests and parent concerns, the last thing on my mind was what this evening had in store. It’s the reason I am constantly missing appointments, forgetting about birthday parties, and rushing to help with school projects at the last minute. It’s Friday, so during the day, I’m picturing a cozy couch, take-out, maybe a blanket, book or movie…a nap? Additional responsibilities, appointments, lessons, and family crises naively on the back-burner of my mind.

But, motherhood reminds me that the job is never done. I don’t clock out. The questions, requests, and concerns don’t stop. I leave one stressful place for another. Don’t get me wrong. Teaching is an ideal career. What other job offers 2 weeks off every 9-10 weeks, as well as, 6 weeks off in the summer? None of them. In addition, parenting in a gift. To create your own family unit that you can laugh with, cry with, share life’s biggest moments with, that you love more than anything, is unlike anything in this life you will ever experience. That doesn’t mean the balancing act of teacher/parent is easy. It’s exhausting. Both jobs require 110%. I don’t claim to be a math wiz, but that’s 220%. I think it’s the very purpose of the phrase “candle burning at both ends”. So, what do we do? How do we balance, embrace, and do our best at both?

If you are a mother entering the field of teaching, a teacher entering the field of mothering, or someone who already does both…I have a couple of suggestions for you…

1. Go to bed on time.
I know. Night, after the kids are in bed, is the only time of day you have to yourself – to unwind, to watch the shows you want to watch, read the books you want to read, get work done, or sit alone with your thoughts. However, what I’ve found is that, the more tired I am, the less I enjoy this time. I begin to feel sick: I get a headache, sometimes I’m dizzy, I gain weight, and the next day, I’m a foggy-brained mess. This makes me grumpy, short-tempered, and unproductive. To me, it isn’t worth the alone time. I’m not saying alone time isn’t necessary, but there are different avenues to take for that.

2. Don’t do everything for your kids.
Once kids are capable of getting their own breakfast, picking out their own clothes, cleaning out their own backpack, filling up their own water bottle, setting their own alarm, cleaning their own room, packing their own lunch…don’t do it anymore. Will they do it perfectly? No. When you do it for them, does it help them learn? No. It is through practice, trial and error that kids learn life skills. We also know that needy kids = needy students. Those students that ask you 1-million questions during class? My theory is, those are the kids whose parents don’t give them any personal responsibility. Do we love them anyway? Yes. Do we wish they would sometimes attempt things on their own without running to an adult? Also, yes. By doing everything for your kiddos, you are communicating to them that they can’t. Of course they can, and you have confidence in them.
Disclaimer: This doesn’t mean that they won’t need help with these things from time to time. I am capable of cleaning my own house, but I still ask my husband and children to help. I simply mean do not overwhelm yourself with additional tasks that your children are capable of doing all by themselves.

3. Rely on your village.
Do you have a teacher bestie? You need to get one. In fact, get multiple. These people will help you, and you will help them. Don’t keep score. Just know that if you need your class covered, someone to laugh with at the staff meeting, an extra snack, to run to the restroom, a last minute lesson idea, advice on a student, someone to vent to about admin, someone to run to the copy room for you, someone to take a difficult student…you have each other’s backs. It’s a wonderful feeling.
At home, have your children and husband help you. They can certainly contribute towards the household chores and responsibilities.

4. Drop the ball sometimes.
It’s really OK. Some days are just harder than others. Don’t beat yourself up over forgetting to make that copy, missing that meeting, or skipping that week’s gymnastics lesson. I know how I feel about dropping the ball. Sometimes, it feels as though you are juggling several things, and if you drop one, it means you are going to drop them all. As parents and teachers, balancing in this lifestyle means that we may miss stuff sometimes. We are not perfect, and we cannot be expected to remember every. single. thing. So, when I drop the ball today, I’m not going stress the rest of the week, or dwell on the fact that I messed up. I will not allow it to have an impact on tomorrow. I will wake up the next day and start over.

Lastly, I know this may sound silly, but…get a family calendar. I had a phone calendar, and then a personal planner, and now, a family calendar. My kids and husband now remind me of upcoming events and family commitments. We can see the conflict in our schedules and how busy we are each day. My husband can take more initiative in transporting children from place to place and I don’t feel as scattered.

Keep going. You are amazing, but you are human. You do not always need to rely on yourself. As we might tell our students, use your resources.