Parenting and Pedagogy

It’s fall break, (I know…*BIG SIGH*), which means that last week was full of finalizing grades, checking in with students regarding late work, and in class review for upcoming tests. If you have your own children at home, it probably also means that their elementary school crammed in about 3,485 things for the last week of school. You had to make last minute trips to the store for spirit days, projects, and class party contributions. And I won’t even get into the requests flooding in from admin, including IEP and 504 meetings, duty coverage, school-wide events, teacher meetings, staff meetings, department meetings, PLC meetings…(yes! Those are all different!)

Most exhausting of all, as if by magic, every time you clicked on your gradebook, a parent email or phone call came through:
“I see the Johnny got a 12/20 on his assignment. Can you tell me why that is?”
“My daughter has had an ‘F’ for the last 4 weeks, but we are wondering if there’s anything she can do to bring that up before tomorrow?”
“Aidan/Rayden/Cayden/Brayden/Zayden was absent for a week last month, can you please print off all of those assignments for them?”
“My child, Excuses Galore, said that she didn’t understand anything you said in class; that’s why she got a bad grade on her test. When can she do a retake?”
On and on and on.

Parents deserve open communication. I believe they should know everything that is going on in the classroom; if there is problem with their student, if there’s an upcoming test, which assignments were due this week, and feedback regarding their student’s work ethic and academic struggles. HOWEVER, I also believe that parents need to support teachers by respecting our time, decisions, and classroom rules. I have some very non-traditional viewpoints for responding to parents.

I have a weekly newsletter.
Oh, I know. Many of you have a weekly newsletter,(I see you, elementary teachers), but I continue this tradition into junior high and high school. In my weekly newsletter, I tell parents what we learned this week, what we will learn next week, any important upcoming dates/events/tests, and what our schedule for the following week will look like. I also include a link to a live document for any class assignments or class notes. This way, they can be printed right at home. Here’s the deal. I know many parents won’t read the newsletter. Many parents won’t bother to open the assignments or notes and print off missing copies for their student. BUT, it provides me a fail-safe for any, “my student didn’t know”, or, “my student was absent”, type emails. I will usually respond to the parent politely and professionally, but I’m always sure to add in something along the lines of, “Are you receiving my weekly newsletters?” This way, parents know where to look next time for information, and that it is not my lack of communication that is causing their child’s grade to suffer.

I don’t respond.
Admin has made it very clear: we must respond professionally to parents. I fully support this. However, there are no rules for parents about how they must communicate with teachers. Sometimes, it is better for me, professionally, to allow a parent email to go without a response, than to respond to a parent that I know will continue to push…push my buttons, push the envelope, push me off a cliff…whatever. Sometimes, your best just simply isn’t enough for parents. I have been told by parents that I didn’t understand the struggles of their child. I have been told I’m not doing enough. I’ve been told that I haven’t supported, done enough, slowed down enough, or communicated enough. Here’s what I know: if I respond to these emails and defend myself, the parent will find another reason to complain, or something else that I did wrong. If I respond and don’t defend myself, I will end up bending to the parent’s request, no matter how unreasonable. Either way, this conversation is going nowhere until the parent gets what they want, and manages to add more to my plate in the process. If I know I have done everything required of me to help this child, I ignore. Life is too short.

I say no.
There are always going to be those parents that don’t understand deadlines, don’t understand rules, don’t understand that there are 34 other students in the classroom. They will ask 30 minutes before the bell for fall break if their student can retake a test. They will ask if their student can have an extension on an assignment that they didn’t touch during class. Maybe they want you to email them every Friday, detailing the assignments their student completed, or didn’t complete that week. Say it with me: “NO”.
Recently, I had a request from a parent. They wanted me to move my newsletter to a different platform (I use Canva), because if they opened the newsletter on their cell phone, they would have to make it bigger and then scroll from side to side to read it. Admin was no help. They said, “Would that be so difficult?”
Yes! It would be. Thank you for asking. Do you know how long this stuff takes? Why would I allow one parent to dictate my class routines? I can tell you this: it is more difficult for me to transfer that newsletter to new platform than it is for them to open it on a computer. The answer is, no.

Put the responsibility back on the student.
Now, I understand that in most elementary grades, students are still learning responsibility and organization. I even understand that during the first quarter or so of junior high, there is an overwhelming adjustment being made. However, students must be responsible for themselves. When speaking with a parent about a missing assignment, low grade, or upcoming test, I am sure to always point responsibility back to the student in some way.
“If he needs an extra copy, Johnny can ask me tomorrow.”
“Johnny has access to all the notes and resources he needs to study for his test. Please ask him where to find those.”
“I gave Johnny a list of all his missing work. Please ask him if you can see it.”
“Johnny knows that the reminder was written on the board all week. We talked about it every day.”
You better believe some of these students are throwing you under the bus to save face at home. Some parents allow for this. Put the responsibility back on that student; they need to be held accountable for their choices, and learn to self-advocate. We are teaching them, after all. In this case, we are preparing them for junior high, high school, college, or a future career.

Sorry, I picked on Johnny a lot today. It’s simply because I’ve never had a student names Johnny.
Happy fall break to all you well-deserving teachers. Enjoy this time. Do not respond to parents; they can wait 🙂